Ever since my dad took his own life nearly 18 months ago, suicides of celebrities, friends of friends, even people I don’t even know… they now trigger me and affect me in a way I NEVER expected. I see a LOT of ignorant comments out there, and I’m just trying to keep my cool and not fly off the handle on anyone. So I’ll just say this – Be mindful of your words my friends. They have a bigger impact on people than you may realize.
And please remember that regardless of what ANYONE says – if someone close to you does take their own life, it was their choice and you can’t blame yourself no matter what. Yes, I agree we should try to help in any way that we can. BUT – if a person is hell bent on taking their own life, there may be NOTHING you can do about it. Don’t lose your own light because someone chose to stay in the dark.
Also – I don’t say any of this as a person who has always had it easy. I’ve battled demons and continue to battle demons that you will never see me post about on social media. Here online, this is only a glimpse of people and what their lives really look like. I’ve been in the dark. I’ve had my own moments of fearing I’d never find my way back to the light. And it was only by making the conscious choice to find the light that I was able to save my own life. Choosing to visit a therapist, and choosing to get help was hard, but I knew I needed it, and wanted the save myself more than I care about what anyone else may have thought of me for seeking help.
That doesn’t mean I never have sad days. It doesn’t mean there aren’t moments I’d rather not see anyone and just stay in bed all day. However, the biggest thing I’ve learned after all that I’ve been through is that EVERY moment is a choice, and more than ever I choose to find the light no matter what and I CHOOSE TO LIVE
It’s been a year and a half since he made a decision we had no say in…and on days like today, it feels like it just happened all over again. Here’s the facts – we DID try to reach out to him. We DID try to get him help. He knew the phone numbers to get help. He was offered counseling by us and others SEVERAL times, and was even examined by someone after threatening to take his own life in front of others. Bottom line – NOTHING we could have said or done would have changed what he did. HE CHOSE THIS!
We listened with him. We cried with him. We tried EVERYTHING we could think of. We tried to help him out of the darkness, and he kept going back for it. Like a sick craving. While every case of suicide may be different, I’m not sure what my dad expected from us. He had soooooo many opportunities to save himself. He chose to believe we’d be better off without him. He chose to keep shutting us out. He chose to leave us. And, I understand it, but I don’t agree with it and I continue to feel like it’s the dumbest thing he ever could have done.