How to Start a Fight with your Spouse

 

A buddy of mine posted this on facebook. I immediately decided to share with anyone who wants a laugh…Though I don’t recommend actually doing any of these, lol…here are a few ideas for how to start a fight with your spouse”

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..

______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered. I then said,
‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend…. I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started…

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started……

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office…
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
And then the fight started…

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started……


Source for image above

Happy Birthday Fight Club!!!

15 years ago today the film Fight Club was unleashed onto “the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.” This movie is one of my favorite flicks of all time and one that I watch and quote frequently. If you have not seen this movie yet, you can get it HERE. If you have seen it and didn’t like it, we can’t be friends anymore. No, seriously! All cool kids like the movie Fight Club

Happy Birthday Fight Club!!!

Some of my favorite quotes from the flick include:

Tyler Durden:
You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank.
You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet.
You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap
of the world.

Tyler Durden:
It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.

Tyler Durden:
Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever
lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an
entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white
collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we
hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of
history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great
Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is
our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day
we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t.
And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.

Tyler Durden:
Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk
about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk
about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells “stop!”, goes
limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a
fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts,
no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And
the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you
have to fight.

Narrator:
[about the soap]
Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what
they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat
asses back to them.   

Narrator: This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.

This post may contain a link to an affiliate. See my disclosure policy for more information.

 

Top 10 Things I Learned From BlogHer ’13

#BlogHer13

One week ago today I was arriving back to Tampa from Chicago. I had just encountered a whirlwind of a weekend known as BlogHer ’13. Exhausted mentally and physically, the plan was to get to work right away on everything I learned at this amazing conference, after a loooooooooong sleep session of course. Sadly, my body had other plans as I spent most of this week dealing with a sinus infection that was causing me some pretty frustrating headaches and blah blah blah…

Fast forward to today and I’m feeling a little better and ready to hit the ground running…I’ll start with this post..Here are the top 10 things I learned from BlogHer’s 2013 Conference.

1. I have too many blogs! LOL! (See below this list for my new plan)
2. I packed too many clothes. I focused too hard on trying to have an outfit for day time and night time and given my transportation and “living” arrangements for the weekend I should have stuck to one outfit for day and night…which brings me to my next lesson
3. I should have stayed at the designated conference hotel for the entire weekend. Having done so would have afforded me the opportunity to not worry about the swag in my bag because I would have had a way to easily drop it off, I would have been able to comfortably change clothes between day and night activities and I would have been able to hang out more with the girls I met instead of needing to find a way back to my sleeping location.
4. Being outgoing is a good thing! I talked to as many girls as I could! I made a point to go out and just chat with anyone who would listen to me and talk back with me. It was awesome! I met a bunch of people and can’t wait to get to know them and their blogs!

5. My vlogging hangups are just plain silly! Every woman has something about themselves they wish they could change. Instead of focusing on my looks, I need to just get in front of the camera and go for it! Thanks Katy in a Corner for your great session!

Jill Nystul of  One Good Thing By Jillee and The Famous Ashley Grant
 

6. Pinterest is the current key to big traffic. I got to meet whom I would refer to as the queen of Pinterest , the blogger behind One Good Thing By Jillee. Jill Nystul is awesome! If you aren’t familiar with her amazing blog, then you are either not on Pinterest or just not paying attention to her million plus repins of awesomeness!!! I fully intend to use her tips on getting the most out of Pinterest ASAP!
7. I need new business cards with my twitter handle and less clutter. This goes along with the too many blogs thang…I need simpler cards. That is all…
8. I should have budgeted for the unexpected. I ended up needing a last minute hotel room for Saturday night and was out $350 I did not have by the end of the weekend. I regret not having a “just in case” fund in my budget!
9. I’m not working hard enough. I get too lazy and am barely scratching the surface of the awesomeness that comes with blogging and vlogging. I’ve got a ton of work ahead of myself to be as good as I now want to be!
10. Going to conferences is very good for me! Blogging is so lonely sometimes and meeting real people and seeing their faces was absolutely wonderful! Sure, we may not hang out on a regular basis, but at least now if we comment on each others blogs or skype or some other form of communication it will feel more like we actually know each other and can connect.

Eight blogs
is a lot, but I love all of them. I have decided though that I will let
one blog dominate and the rest will become hobby blogs as they say. I
plan to focus pretty hard on one and then in my spare time I’ll add
posts to the others. The one I have decided to focus on? Lessons Learned From Frugal People
– Why? As I was soul searching and brainstorming I figured out
something pretty cool about myself. I LOVE learning things and sharing
them, but I’m also A.D.D. The awesome thing about Lessons Learned From Frugal People
is that I can be A.D.D. and still have one major focus. Saving money
can be as diverse a topic as all of my blogs but it boils down to one
topic!

When Being Responsible Sucks!

For the past several years my husband and I have been making a conscious effort to get out of debt. Now, as responsible of us as this may seem, I feel like it has reeked havoc on our friendships 🙁 You see, saving all the money to pay off the debt has meant no nights out, cutting back on attending sporting events, skipping lunches and happy hours and more. I’m the type of gal that loves going out as frequently as possible and for more than two years I’ve felt more like a hermit than a socialite. I want to be a socialite AND be debt free.

The funny thing is, every day my hubby and I get closer to paying off that final student loan or that final credit card bill but we’ve been in the shadows for so long, we fear all of our relationships will be harder to mend when we come out to play again. Being in debt can be horrible, especially when you’ve not got any money to pay off your outstanding bills. This can lead you into a cycle of needing to apply for another loan or credit card to make sure that you have enough money to live off. Luckily, the Opensky credit card is available for most people, even if they have a poor credit history from credit card debt! Even though it’s not a great idea to get into more debt, you need money to live off.

Sure, we’ve done as many free and dirt cheap things as we can, but the loneliness of it being just us is sometimes breathtaking. How can you have the best of both worlds?

*Photo credit- I don’t know where this image originated. If it is yours let me know and I’ll credit accordingly 🙂

90s Kids Memories

I was born in 1984 but was raised 90s style. Yes, that’s me above in the
90s…oy! Why a black and white photo? Well, I was blessed with
horrible acne so I preferred all my photos in black and white to hide my
acne as much as possible!

Oh the 90s…. I had a trapper keeper, a gigapet, loved Ring Pops and Clueless
was my go to movie ALL THE TIME! I even tried to dress like Cher from
the movie and dreamed of having her rotating closet. memories….

What brought about these flashbacks? Well, tonight my friend Kim and I are traveling to Orlando to watch a New Kids on the Block concert complete with Boyz II Men and 98 Degrees.

To show just how all out I’m going with the 90s theme for the night…I’m going to wear a slap bracelet, put my hair up in a scrunchie, my backpack purse and wear this ridiculously loud shirt I painted:

You know you want that shirt! Jealous? Yes, you are! Don’t lie. LOL.

I want to see if I can find some ring pops on the way to Orlando too!!! hahahaha

I know Kim and I are going to have a blast at the concert! I’ve been
re-memorizing all of the songs and plan to sing the ones I can remember
at the top of my lungs! YES!!! ….I will go to bed really early after
the concert though. NOT!

Want some more flashbacks to the 90s? Check this out and this too!

This post may contain a link to an affiliate. See my disclosure policy for more information.

 

Swimming in Workout Clothes

I was CRAZY hot from working out. So, naturally I jumped in the pool with my work out clothes on. That’s just how I roll!

I’m proud to report that last week I worked out four days and this week I’ve worked out four days so far…Finally getting back into a habit of trying to be healthier. It hit me a couple of weeks ago that I’m almost thirty (a year and two months to go…) and I would like to be in shape for my next several decades in life. So, I’ve been werqin on mah fitness! Yep!

Stopped gambling? Check! Stopped drinking? Check! Started working out again? Check! Gonna stop eating unhealthy foods…next on the list along with getting over my need for diet Pepsi…I’m losing bad habits left and right ya’ll!!!

 

People were looking at me all weird like why is that girl wearing sweat pants and a sports bra in the pool. I just looked back like- why are you wearing swim suits ya weirdos?!? I was hot and DID NOT CARE! hahaha! Only bad thing? I still had another quarter of a mile to walk back to my apartment. Doing that soaking wet kinda sucked! Was totally worth it though 😉

Have you ever jumped into a pool fully clothed? It feels like the ultimate rebellion, doesn’t it? Although skinny dipping is the actual ultimate rebellion, this felt pretty bad ASH if I do say so myself.

My Ultimate Fantasy Right Now

I have a pretty big and intense fantasy right now! It’s not sexual like you’d find on https://www.hdpornvideo.xxx/?hl=es, but it is pretty wild! I want to call/text my husband and ask him to quit his job, have him rush home, help me give and sell everything away and then just hit the road! I want to just move out of my apartment this weekend and leave town and start my dream of being a TRAVELING writer and photographer.

I only have one scheduled shoot left on my calendar right now- it’s this weekend. I want to finish the gig and then get outta dodge! Crazy? YES! Want to do it anyway? Hell yes!

What’s the worst that could happen? My husband and I could run out of money by next week. We might have to turn to more exotic income streams like putting some sexual work on this website. It could be fun but lets keep that in the maybe pile for now. But since we are struggling we will have to think about it. We could be barely able to find food let alone gas to get to our next destination. We could end up having to beg for cash to come back home with our tails between our legs and look for a new job for my husband (I only say my husband because my job could be done from anywhere with internet access…). While trying to find him work we might have to live with my father-in-law, my parents or in my car.

There! I’ve figured out the worst case scenario. On the flip side…what’s the best thing that could happen? We could come up with a way to have plenty of money on the road. My blogs could get wildly popular and fund our adventures from state to state and then ultimately country to country. We could wake up every day with something new and exciting to do. Then, once we’re done with the globe trotting lifestyle we could settle down and maybe start a family or some other adventure.

If my husband and I keep waiting to start living out our dreams, we may end up waiting the rest of our lives. I don’t want to wake up one day regretting all the things I didn’t do! I want to make a plan to start living out our dreams and goals THIS year! Not next year, next decade or even in retirement….but NOW! Why not?!?

The photo above is what prompted this post. I found it on Ali Brown’s facebook page and it really struck a cord in me. Obviously…LOL! I don’t want to wait anymore for the perfect moment. The moment may never be perfect. It’s beyond time to shake things up. Thinking it’s time to discuss this with the hubby. He gets off at 6 and we will definitely be talking tonight!

Source for image above

How To Become a Millionaire

 

stacks of money image from Wikipedia.org
I want to be a #millionaire … So, I’ve given this some thought and here’s 10 ways I can acquire a million dollars:
1. Sell 500,000 copies of my eBook 50 Ways to Keep Me From G*mbling since I get about $2 per copy sold. If not this book, then some other awesome eBook I write. This is the most likely scenario anyway out of all the items on my list…IMHO (2018 Update this will NOT happen because I deleted the book from Amazon LOL)
2. Hang out at the casino more often in hopes of an awkward reenactment of “Indecent Proposal” ….oh wait- I’m not a whore and not Demi Moore….
3. Rob a bunch of banks and then skip town to a non extradition country like in the movies.
4. Take a life insurance policy out on myself. Fake own death. Have hubby collect the money and meet me in another country/town/place…
5. Continue adding money to a retirement account and wait 50 years to let it grow and compound into a million all the while gritting my teeth that it’s taking so damn long…
6. I heard about a guy that was pretending to be homeless and was making $300K a year doing that…I’m way cuter and could totally get a million dollars in a year or two. Right? LOL! Don’t answer this question. Thanks! hahaha
7. Have a long lost relative leave me a hefty inheritance…highly unlikely considering I know all the folks in my family as far as I know and doubt an unknown family member would leave me money at the time of their expiration…but hey….these are just thoughts anyway….
8. Get a wildly popular blog and insane endorsement deals. This could totally happen! If a woman writing about the color of her kids poop can make $2 million on her blog I totally could do that too!
9. Make a crap ton of Youtube videos and get a bunch of hits ala Gangnam Style…
10. Create a product, patent that crap and then sell the bejesus out of it. Pet rock, slinky, koosh ball, and ahem… SNUGGIE …. so why not me?!?

This post may contain a link to an affiliate. See my disclosure policy for more information.

 

All About Moi

Found this nifty questionnaire on The Dansha Diaries and since I thought it was cool I decided I would do one all about me!

All about moi:
NICKNAMES: The Famous Ashley Grant, that’s about it as of
late. My maiden name led to nicknames that I shall not repeat. Kids can be
cruel….
BIRTHDAY: 08-14 (I would give the year but that would, like a
pin to a balloon, burst the illusion of my real age.)
ZODIAC: Leo
HEIGHT: 5’4.5 – Yep! I’ve got a half in my height!
EYE COLOUR: blue
HAIR COLOR: dark brown but I’m thinking of dying it auburn again
HANDED: Right
FROM: Pineville, KY but have lived in Tampa, FL
since I was a one year old.
PETS: Sadly none, but I will change this once I get a place
that doesn’t charge RENT for an animal!!!
FAMILY: Just a few on my husband’s side but too many to count on mine…
PERSONALITY: Awesome! DUH! I’m wild and loud and crazy and
fun.
LIKES: Writing, taking pictures, blogging, traveling
(although I don’t do it enough yet- planning on changing this too!), cooking,
crafting, hanging out with the hubster!
DISLIKES: Stress, uncertainty, controversy, loneliness
FAVORITE ACCENTS: Australian, Southern a.k.a redneck- feels like home. LOL!
FAVORITE ANIMALS: Cats and dogs! They both have qualities I love so it’s a tie
between the two.
FAVORITE BOOKS: 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris  and My So CalledFreelance Life by Michelle Goodman
FAVORITE COLORS: Hot pink and black-together not separate!
FAVORITE COUNTRY: America for sure, but I have not
traveled enough of the world to make that my final answer.
FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK: Sunday- I always seem the most
relaxed on a Sunday
FAVORITE DRINK: Diet Pepsi- don’t judge!
FAVORITE FLOWER: Carnations have always been my favorite.
FAVORITE HOLIDAYS: Christmas – I prefer giving gifts over receiving though
FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR: Cookie Dough!
FAVORITE MONTH: January- new beginnings!
FAVORITE NUMBER: 2
FAVORITE POSSESSIONS: My laptop and camera
FAVORITE QUOTES: “The stuff you own ends up owning you”
“If you don’t like what you are doing, change it!”
“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.”
FAVORITE SHOES: My sneakers. They’re the most comfortable!
FAVORITE SPORT: To watch- football, but only live. To
play- none- I have no coordination!
FAVORITE THINGS TO DO:  Travel to new
places, eat new foods, try new things, explore
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Spiders and snakes
2. The dark
3. Death
THREE THINGS I’D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to make a million dollars and then actually do it!
2. Spanish
3. How to be more independent
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. Laptop
2. My cell phone
3. A caffeinated beverage!
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. German
2. Cherokee Indian
3. English
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. Saysa Rawr! (Don’t ask. LOL)
2. Oh hai!
3. Not sure what else I say the most. Haha
So now you all know a lot little about me!

This post may contain a link to an affiliate. See my disclosure policy for more information.

 

Virgin Sangria Recipe

I found an awesome mocktail recipe for Virgin Sangria (below) that I’m dying to try. As soon as I make another coupon list I’ll be heading to the store to buy the materials to make this yummy looking drink. According to reviews it’s a hit. Looking forward to trying it 🙂

What’s your favorite mocktail recipe?

Virgin Sangria (Source for Recipe)

Ingredients:

– 3 cups unsweetened grape juice

– 3/4 cup apple juice concentrate

– 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice

– 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

– 1 small unpeeled lemon, sliced and seeded

– 1 small unpeeled orange, sliced and seeded

– 1 small unpeeled apple, cored, cut into eights

– 1 3/4 cups club soda or 1 3/4 cups sparkling water

 
Directions:
1
Combine all the ingredients except the soda/sparkling water in a large pitcher.

2 Stir well, and chill.
3 Add soda/sparkling water just before serving.
4 Serve over ice in wineglasses.Source for Recipe